Past Tense: In My Own Words
In My Own Words (20-year-old Me)
I’ve been through many ups and downs
seen so many faces
and accomplished so much at my young age
I am only 20 with a big shot title
at a local television channel.
My career is just starting.
I have never been pregnant,
nor do I do drugs.
But I am not completely clean.
I drink on every occasion I can
and blow that tree once in a while just to see the sky.
I have a family and friends that love and support me,
but yet I still feel alone.
It doesn’t matter how many people are near me,
surrounding me,
loving me.
I am alone.
In My Own Words (32-year-old Me before Therapy)
Hey you!
Don’t be so dramatic. You are not alone. I know it feels like that, but that’s because you haven’t healed. You are broken in so many ways, and I can only warn you that it won’t stop. Not until you heal.
You aren’t always going to be a “big shot.” Stay humble! Trust me when I say staying humble will help you later on. No one likes a know-it-all. Even if we know-it-all.
In My Own Words (32-year-old Me after Therapy)
DAMN, BRO! That’s fucking mean! Calm down! It’s not what she needs to hear, nor is it something you want to hear!
The truth is that I’m still hurt.
I still have the “suck-it-up, buttercup” mentality, but we need to be easy on ourselves. If I could, I would give my 20-year-old self a hug and a day to chill.
All of your feelings are valid. The whole world around you is crazy, but you are about to do amazing things.
Right now, you are in college, taking 18-20 credits per semester to show your brother that you will graduate from college in four years! Take that, Willie!
Anger is a strong motivator.
You don’t even know where your career is going to take you. You will be flying from coast to coast in a couple of years. You will meet so many people you never thought you’d meet.
The truth is that you may feel alone because you are in a weird space. Abuela is in a home. Gaby and Willie are somewhere else. Mom is gone.
It’s okay to feel all the feelings that you are going through. No one will understand you, but I understand you. Just remember that this version of you, 10+ years in the future, is rooting for you. I know your weakness, but I know your strength.
You are way stronger than you think. You are amazing. You are beautiful inside and out. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are moving through things that others could never understand.
That is okay. It’s okay to be misunderstood and misjudged as long as you know who you are.
You aren’t going to be everyone’s favorite, nor is everyone going to like you. But as long as you know who you are, you like who you are, and you can sleep at night knowing who you are. That is all that matters.
So let those tears fall where they need to fall. Let your hair be a mess when you need it to be a mess. Let the world suck into the background while you do the work to heal yourself.
It will take years. Shit, I’m still healing!
I’m working on myself so that future me will be proud of me the way I’m proud of you.
What would you tell your 20-year-old self?
Share your own Past Tense moment in the comments! Your words might be the reminder someone else needs today.
